A young man, sentencing himself to a self-imposed exile, writes a book tracing his infatution with boys. It all begins fairly innocently, with his first glimpse of a nude young man while out hunting. The sight and sensations he feels cause him to faint.Wanting to learn more about his attraction, he tries to trick a young servant into allowing him to experience what he has seen. And, in school, he develops an interest in one of the other students, Dargelos, who is very manly for his age, wearing trousers and an open-necked shirt. This infatuation ends in tragedy and haunts the young man for the rest of his life.
Realizing that his desires are too different from what is considered normal and accetpable, he attempts to hide his true feelings through a series of failed love affairs: a relationship with an actress named Jeanne whom he discovers to be a Sapphist; befreinding a prostitute named Rose and her "brother" Alfred, with whom he begins an affair behind Rose's back; the beautiful young sailor PAS DE CHANCE who painfully reminds him of Alfred.
Seeing no end in sight to his aching, the young man tries to find solace with the church. This proves difficult when he falls for a young man on a beach, who believes in God but not in religious dogma. Their relationship is put to the test when the young man discovers his new love's infidelities with women.
... But, it is more of a statement against society at large for creating the negativity. At the end, the young man exiles himself, leaving the book behind as a reminder that "I am not exiling a monster, but a man whom society will not allow to live" and a plea for tolerance and acceptance.
