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Paperback
Publisher: InterVarsity Press
Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel offer a practical handbook for recovery and growth which examines the issues of sexual identity. Here are strategies for healing that have been developed and used by people around the world.
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| DANGEROUS BOOK |
| Customer Rating: 1 out of 5 |
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As a licensed professional counselor, I encourage my clients to not purchase a pre-packaged belief system, but instead engage in a free and responsible search for truth and meaning in their lives. As such, I refrain from passing judgment on the beliefs that others choose and instead celebrate the colorful diversity that is found in the tapestry of human ideology. Nevertheless, when I am confronted with principles that are destructive and harmful to the human spirit, I feel compelled, as a health care professional and as a human being, to speak out against such wickedness.
While one's sexual activities and behavior may vary over the course of a lifetime, one's sexual orientation does not. Requiring that individuals whose sexual orientation is something other than heterosexual "change" or "heal" is no different than Hitler requiring that those with the wrong eye color, the wrong hair color, or the wrong family lineage be exterminated. One does not need to "heal" or be "cured" from something that is not an illness. This book does not simply state an alternative opinion on homosexuality; it causes significant and severe damage to the psyche of those who know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that, even if they can change their activity, they cannot change who they are at their core. Rather than offering the hope and healing it claims to provide, this book inflicts emotional violence on its readers.
Everyone has a right to his or her own beliefs. In the case of this book, the author has chosen to act on his beliefs. Discriminatory acts, based on prejudice, have a damaging effect on the lives of innocent people--they hurt, they demean, they humiliate, they wound, and sometimes they kill. I do not accept the label "religious" to excuse beliefs and actions that are designed to hurt people. Is religion about abusing others? Is that part of the moral game plan--demonize people who are different from you, condemn them and exalt yourself in the name of a religious conviction?
When I walk into the music store with my 13-year-old daughter to buy a CD, I notice that some of the CD's are labeled with "warning" stickers. As a parent, I appreciate this so I can steer my daughter toward purchases that will fill her mind and soul with affirmative messages. This book needs to come with a similar "warning" sticker, for anyone who reads it is going to be a victim of emotional and spiritual abuse by the worst kind of perpetrator...a bigoted wolf in sheep's clothing!
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| An EXCELLENT book that has GIVEN ME HOPE and some practical steps in my own walk out of lesbianism |
| Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 |
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The writers shares exerpts from different people's life experiences from such an honest, transparent, and thought-provoking point of view. This has helped me in my walk out of lesbianism. Identifying triggers, coping with sexual temptation, and practical tips and little stories are interspearsed throughout this book. I know I've had hurts and lots of pain and lots of anger. I felt very encouraged and found it to be very relate-able. If you're looking for honesty, hope, and some practical steps out this is a book for you.
I now have HOPE too because Jesus helped me with my battles with lesbianism and continues to help me- now He's helping me with my anger and frustration that I sometimes display with my children. But you know what?- Jesus is there to help me, to help you through anything whether it's homosexuality or whether its through anger or whether it's through problems with... well, you fill in the blank. He just promises to be there to help because the Bible says that Jesus "came to seek and save what was lost." (Luke 19:10). You ever feel lost? I know I have and I have been so amazed at this Jesus who never gave up and never gives up on me even when I have and think He should. There really is HOPE, my friend. The sadness and always pursuing in other women what I wanted from my mom is and what I wanted to see in me is just engulfing and never satiated or satisfied when I go at it with this route. I just felt like I only hungered for more and more versus ever feeling truly met. Well, now Jesus is teaching me a peace about myself (get that!- too cool as at one point I would never have imagined it) and more and more about sweet friendships and loving women in a deeper way than I ever could before. He's also letting me be loved in a deeper way than I've known before too- Jesus just blows me away. Take care, my precious fellow traveler. I hope you find rest along the way too.
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| Can this help me? |
| Customer Rating: 1 out of 5 |
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I want to come out of heterosexuality and became gay. Can this book help me? I assume that if a person can no longer be homosexual they can no longer be heterosexual.
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| Wishful Homophobia |
| Customer Rating: 1 out of 5 |
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Everything that I have learned about homosexuality says that this book is bunk -- not only bunk, but also transparent homophobia.
First of all, I'm not gay, so I do not have that axe to grind.
But I do pay attention to people, to the things I read, to the information I glean from all sources. I have had many gay friends, and still do. There is every reason, scientifically, anecdotally, and casually to accept the fact that some people are born homosexual and that any attempt on their part to deny it or change it is going to result in frustration, anger, and neurosis.
This book begins by making the Biblical argument: it's wrong, so don't do it. Therefore, any reader will realize that what is to follow, whether it is the rhetoric, the "evidence," the "science," or the rationalization, is all going toward the desire to prove a "conclusion" that the authors have already reached.
Silly books about serious subjects can do nothing but harm, and this is a silly book.
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| Buyer Beware (a fight for your soul is at stake) |
| Customer Rating: 1 out of 5 |
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Yes, people theoretically have 'free will' in deciding whether to live as they truthfully experience themselves to be or to manipulate their sense of who they are and become someone different to make others happy (perhaps as a result of taking to heart human interpretations of religious books). I would say: which is more immoral, taking away a person's sense of who they are or accepting people for who they say they are?
Sexual orientation, sexual identity, sexual behavior, gender identity, etc. all of these, are complex matters. But, I think even larger issues are at stake here: losing sight of who you are because of fear. While this book will tell you thousands have "gone straight" there are thousands more who have been damaged or given false hope by books such as this. I know because I've treated many like them. I think the real 'fight for the soul' is in allowing people to freely come to a conclusion about being and expressing who they are WITHOUT guilt, mis-information, threats or fear. Without a fear-based spirituality, where is the need to change?
This book dredges up many of the same old, tired myths about gays and lesbians that just aren't borne out in decent, valid research. For example...
- Gays become this way because they were molested as children. Research says the percentage of lesbian women abused or raped as children or adolescents is not any greater than heterosexual women. If so, then why aren't more heterosexual women turning gay?
- That women become lesbians because they hate men. Most lesbian women don't hate or fear men; most have normal, caring relationships with their fathers, friends, coworkers, etc. Most woman (gay or not) with self esteem, however, choose not to associate with men who tend to be abusive, domineering or self-righteous (believe they know what's right for you unilaterally, without discussing your thoughts on the matter!).
As far as the "always tragic" or "painful" gay and lesbian relationships portrayed in books like these, I'll bet if you honestly compared them to the lifespans of most straight relationships you'd find it very similar. The only difference being how much harder it is to maintain a gay relationship in our society because of the greater "tragedy" here: how unsupportive society has been towards gay and lesbian relationships. Who knows how much more successful gay couples would be with a little more support and validation.
So, if you are currently in pain and dealing with this issue (or know someone who is), if you are considering buying this book or trying an ex-gay therapy or group, also consider that your biggest problem may not be your gay-ness but your thinking that there is something wrong with it! Please, also consider buying a good book on loving yourself for who you are, or finding a gay-affirmative counselor or therapist. Also, there are plenty of gay-affirmative churches, ministers and communities out there, so, go and find one that loves you just as you are!
Proud to be out, gay and happy too!
Barb
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