 
|
|
Hardcover
Publisher: Harvard University Press
Is love "blind" when it comes to gender? For women, it just might be. This unsettling and original book offers a radical new understanding of the context-dependent nature of female sexuality. Lisa Diamond argues that for some women, love and desire are not rigidly heterosexual or homosexual but fluid, changing as women move through the stages of life, various social groups, and, most important, different love relationships. This perspective clashes with traditional views of sexual orientation as a stable and fixed trait. But that view is based on research conducted almost entirely on men. Diamond is the first to study a large group of women over time. She has tracked one-hundred women for more than ten years as they have emerged from adolescence into adulthood. She summarizes their experiences and reviews research ranging from the psychology of love to the biology of sex differences. Sexual Fluidity offers moving first-person accounts of women falling in and out of love with men or women at different times in their lives. For some, gender becomes irrelevant: "I fall in love with the person, not the gender," say some respondents. Sexual Fluidity offers a new understanding of women's sexuality--and of the central importance of love. (20071029)
| Customer Reviews: |
|
| |
| provides new understanding |
| Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 |
 |
|
I think many or most women are more sexually 'fluid' than at an extreme. however this is missed by a lot of people. I have vague feelings that I may have discussed this with someone at some point and I said, it's dark. when I meant, the fear of being different is leading me to remember a dark place, rather than, this is morally bad.
I don't know if that memory/image is real but I do know that when I was a teenager I made judgments based on fear that I would not make at this time.
I would say my sexuality is mostly - this is where it breaks down b/c I don't have language to describe it. it is mostly oriented towards women but is also - there are elements of being straight as well. but I did get married to a man.
we have the experience of severe childhood illness and impairment in common and that is more important than gender, plus we are very compatible. this sounds bad, it sounds like bonding over a shared weakness and in a way it is. but it is an unusual experience that we have in common. it produced a pattern of strength and weakness that is different from other people. in some ways, we are both strong where others have difficulty but then in other ways we are vulnerable.
I think accepting sexuality means accepting that personality compatibility is more important than gender or even type of intercourse for many women, and perhaps men as well. maybe women are more honest. it is hard enough to find someone who is like you in the ways that count, without introducing moral judgments about this or that half of the human race being off-limits.
for some people, having children is important. other people are more flexible there. I find that childless/childfree couples have a lot in common with gay and lesbian couples, whether they parent or not. both choices involve the decision to defy society's expectations.
this review is more a personal description than a review of the book. that is b/c the amazon preview allows readers to get a look at the book's contents. what I think is important is to stress that finding the pattern of personality compatibility is important. and that I believe there is no one 'right' person for everyone. there are usually several people out there.
also I think being honest with oneself about children is key to accepting one's sexuality. I grew up Catholic and for reasons of illness it was critical that I accept that I should not have children. I believe I had doctors advise me in the strongest possible terms against this and I have come to really appreciate that advice.
at that time, when I was a teenager, I was questioning my sexual beliefs and I was told, IIRC, it was far more important that I NOT have children than that I accept or fail to accept some view about my sexuality.
that I could work that out later in life as long as I didn't have kids. but if I had children, due to fears about extremely severe mental illness that was coming for me, I would not have any kind of life.
I took this advice regarding children and I have always been grateful for it. I do regret that acceptance of sexual behavior and beliefs took this long. my mental house did not have the upper floor to understand these concepts.
for women I think freedom from compulsory reproduction, which includes the right to have children and value them a great deal, as well as care for and about other people's children, is critical in accepting sexuality. otherwise it is too easy to make a wrong decision to either have kids or postpone or avoid them, and then fail to work out the issues of sexuality.
which are simple. people care about and love each other and it's good when that is as healthy as possible.
I don't like the term bisexual. to me it implies looking in two directions at once or a split attention or a split consciousness or alternating from one to the other and it can be a powerful term but for me with issues of mental health, there was an association to mental severing which I found painful.
someone needs to invent a new word, I think. childless/childfree people say the same thing. many of us don't like either word.
|
| Very intereting discussion of female sexuality |
| Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 |
|
|
This book is a very interesting read for any woman, queer or straight.
The discussion of the to-date research on female sexuality and major premises in sexuality research are a great overview resource for anyone interested in this topic.
Female sexuality and the discussions stemming from Diamond's research are described in an approachable way. Topics stemming out of this book will force queer and straight women to rethink their perception of sexuality and their experiences.
I'd bet this book will stand the test of time and will provide a good resource for female sexuality discussions.
|
| Getting it straight! |
| Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 |
|
|
Lisa Diamond does a great job breaking down the differences between sexual orientation, sexual identiy, sexual behavior and sexual fantasies. Her work is an important contribution to the growing body of knowledge that people do not always fit into the straight, gay or even bisexual categories.
I highly recommend this book.
|
|
